A Moment of Clarity

"Mom! Come here! Come look at what Anna Cate can do!" I hear the shouts from the pool and wonder what she is up to now. I walk out to see her doing flips in the water. One flip, two flips, three (almost) flips and for a moment the past year runs quickly through my mind and I stand in amazement of all she has accomplished.

I think back on the giggles when she finally, after three tries, balanced on her bicycle by herself. The sound of her crashing into the bumper of our neighbor's truck because she wasn't sure how to steer. The slamming of the door as she rushed in to tell me that she "started and stopped without Dad!" And the bright smile on her face the first time she experienced the thrill of coasting down a steep hill.

Then of course, I thought of the day at the mall when we stopped to take a break on a bench and she decided she wanted to tie her shoe by herself. The first attempt, the second attempt, the third attempt that was so close that the taste of success urged her on. Then finally when she couldn't get the loops to even out and decided she could just stick the long one up through the laced area where it would be held tightly. The pride she felt was contagious.


And the spring day when her legs started moving in the right direction and the swing actually moved. I loved the way she looked at me, full of joy and said, "Mom, I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" and then let out a huge belly laugh.


Her first cartwheel, the first independent shower, the first complete sentence written, the first book read, the first school conflict peacefully resolved, all these moments came at me at once. For the first time, I understood what people mean when they describe an experience as bittersweet. You see, I pride myself on being the kind of mom that encourages independence, that rejoices at accomplishments. I've never understood why some moms feel sad when their children begin walking or start school. I am always moving along with her, encouraging that next step of growth. But for a moment, I felt that sadness. I realized how quickly time is passing. So instead of finishing the dishes, I sat down and watched and laughed and marveled at this wonderful gift I have been given.

My Personal Distraction

After many failed attempts, we were finally able to plan a weekend camping trip to Kartchner Caverns. We toured the famous cavern, hiked along the trails, and chased lizards. On the last night, we found ourselves with a full grey water tank. I'm not pointing any fingers, but apparently, those of us over six-feet tall use a lot of water while showering. Alas, I digress. The point is, we found ourselves needing to use the public showers.
So, there Anna Cate and I are, walking through the campsite, towels folded neatly in our arms, carrying our bag of pajamas, shampoo, toothpaste and toothbrushes, Anna Cate chatting away about long-tailed lizards. If you know me, you realize that this is not the scenario I want to find myself in. While Anna Cate is happily skipping along, I am trying to decide what to think about so that my mind is not totally overwhelmed with the thought of all those germs we are about to encounter. But, I did not stop to consider who it was that I was taking along on this adventure.

We enter the bathroom and the questions begin. "Where are we going to shower?...Oh, where is my shampoo?...Will the water be warm?...Is anyone going to see my panties?...Are we going to take a shower together?...Oh, we can't do that now that I am six, right?...Why do I need to keep my flip flops on?...What is fungus?...What happens if fungus gets on my feet?...Will I need to go to the doctor?...Could someone die if they get fungus on them?...What does it feel like to have fungus on you?...Is the shampoo all out of my hair?...Yeah, I already washed my body."

Whew. Now my turn.

"Can I sit on this bench?...What if I accidentally drop my flip flops?...Um, Mom, I think they closed us in here...Oh, you're right. When I kind of opened the door, the lights came back on...It's kind of like they are coming on just for us, isn't it?...You didn't think of that, did you?...My pants are on, can I sit on the bench now?...What if someone pushed me and I fell and touched my hands to the floor, would I get fungus then?...Will you bend down? My flip flops fell...Mom, I'm all dressed, can I go out?...Are we going to brush our teeth here?...hee-hee, I just peeked at you...Does it matter that our flip flops are wet?"

At this point, I realize we are both clean and I didn't once have to think about the germs...

Would You Like for Me to Tell You a Story?

Right before Anna Cate goes to sleep, she likes for me to start a "movie" for her. Translation - she wants me to begin a story for her that she can continue on in her dreams. (This is one of the devices we have created for keeping nightmares at bay) Tonight, she got into bed much later than usual, so I told her I was just too tired to create a movie. She answered, "Ok, Mom. Would you like for me to tell you a story?"

"Why, of course." I answered.

"How about one about a princess?" She asked and this is the movie I was told...

One time, there was a princess that lived in a castle. She was beautiful.
She also lived with a dog, who was named Abby. This dog was a black one. She lived with her mother, Queen Amy and her father, King Matthew. They were happy and had fun all the time. She never wanted to leave the castle. That was when she was five. On May 14, she turned six and she got a DS. She was so happy. She got to play it all the time, whenever she wanted. A new day of fun had begun...

At this point, I am supposed to pick up and continue the story, but I kind of like it the way it is.

A Little Piece of Home

It has been five months since I last placed my feet on Georgia clay and I am beginning to feel homesick. I have grown weary of being able to see for miles and miles and long for the comfort of being surrounded by pines and oaks. I want to see homes made of brick with hardwood floors that creak when you walk over them. I want to order tea and not spend half the meal trying to make it sweet. I want to sit in a room and just listen to the varying degrees of Southern drawl. Although I still have a few weeks before I can make it back, I have found a place that gives me comfort.

For about a month now, I have been making trips to our local farmer's market. I wasn't sure why it attracted me so, but I was aware of a feeling of peace that washed over me while I was there. As I was sharing my latest trip with Matthew, the pieces started falling into place.

It still has that "Mom and Pop" feeling that I love. When I bring my produce to the cashier, he looks me in the eye and asks if I have tried this or that. He asks me if the honey I bought is working to fight my allergies. Today, he followed us out to the edge of the parking lot to return the $15 that Anna Cate dropped from her pocket. In an area where neighbors don't wave when you drive by, this kind of openness brings me comfort.

Also, the rows of fresh veggies and canned goods in Mason jars just make me feel close to my roots. It brings back the memory of the pressure cooker's sound when the canned beans are ready and the taste of a cucumber straight from the garden, peeled, with a little bit of salt sprinkled over it. The vegetables aren't shiny or waxy to the touch. They still have a little dust on them. Granted, it's not Georgia clay, but it's something.
..
So, now that I have a refrigerator full of fresh veggies and a new jar of apple butter, I'll soldier on for a few more weeks. But if you see me with a faraway look in my eyes and a slight smile on my face, you can bet I'm humming a Zac Brown song, conjuring up the smell of honeysuckle intermingled with mosquito spray.

Lack of Focus vs. Creative Genius

It is Tuesday. Anna Cate has four more days of Eagleridge and I am determined to get her there on time. I call down to her that it is time to come up stairs and get dressed. She answers, "Just a moment, Mom..." Ok, I go to the laundry room and fold a load of clothes, still no Anna Cate. Still using my patient voice, I call, "AC, time to get moving, let's go." A muffled , "Okay, Mom" floats up the stairs. I take the clothes and put them in the respective rooms. Still no footsteps on the stairs, feeling a little impatient, but still with a calm voice, "Anna Cate, do you remember you are supposed to be getting ready?" She replies , "Oh, um, right. I forgot!" I begin putting away my clothes, thinking that I do indeed hear footsteps running down the hall. Finished with my clothes, I look in on AC's room and the bed is still unmade and her outfit for the day is still laying on her dresser. Patience gone, I head down the stairs, grumbling to myself about how unfocused she can be and how much I hate being late. This is what I find...

She has made a "friend" for Abby. His name is Lenny. You can't see them too well, but she has actually attached casters (don't ask me where she found these) on the bottom side so that Lenny can move around. Also, she has glued an old brown belt to his backside for a tail. And, yes, that's felt glued on as ears and spots.

She beams with pride as she describes him and shows me all the things he can do. And guess what? We can use him in our dog hotel!

Happy Mom's Day

My mother-in-law called today to wish me a Happy Mother's Day and asked how my day was going. Well, I had just finished unloading the dishwasher, cleaning up Abby's little accident that she had had in the bathroom (I know, a little ironic) and scrubbing the spaghetti sauce off Anna Cate's favorite butterfly shirt. She had literally spilled half the plate of spaghetti on herself at BJ's today and nearly had a meltdown in the restaurant because this upset her so. This is kind of the moment when the music comes to a screeching halt and you realize that life rarely resembles the magical moments we view on TV.

But honestly, I'm laughing, because I learned long ago that even though reality is a bit messy at times, it trumps fantasy anyday. And, yes, my actual "Mother's Day" was not too special, but the week precluding it was.

I was awaken three days straight with a homemade card expressing Anna Cate's love for me. Her spelling is still limited, so she often just writes the words she knows how to spell. Therefore, my cards all say, "Happy Mom's Day", which I think is just adorable.

I also received a poem and "flowers" from her that she made at Eagleridge. The poem that accompanied the flowers follows (the words in italic are the ones she added)...
"My Mother - 2009"

She has blonde-brown hair and big blue eyes
She's 30 years old
She likes it when I do good on my work
and she has a heart of gold.
My mom laughs when I do funny things...
I think that's what she said.
She weighs about 80 pounds
and tucks me into bed.
Her favorite food is tacos.
I love her, you can see.
But, my favorite thing about my mom is
She loves me very much.
Mom, you're the best!

Lastly, Matthew surprised me with a dozen red roses and a Coach purse. Both of these I love and realize how much thought he put into making this occassion special for me. Okay,so maybe the sappy music can start now...I really am a lucky girl.

A Few Funnies from Our Week

I have often heard people say that around the time of the full moon, life starts to get a little crazy. Interestingly, in our home, it is the time of month when things are most calm (I never said we weren't a little weird). Anyway, here are some of the funny occurrences from our week...

Matthew and AC went shopping together for my Mother's Day present. While out, they discovered that Hotel for Dogs had been released on DVD. I don't know exactly how the conversation went,but Matthew bought it for AC with the understanding that she would repay him when they got home. Well, when they returned home, it became apparent that she didn't have enough money saved. She started to get frantic when he suggested that he just hold on to it until she could save enough. She rushed up the stairs yelling down to him that she could give him some of her "emergency fund". He answered back, incredulously, "What? Why do you have an emergency fund?" To which she matter-of-factly replied, "You know, for emergency ice creams and emergency toys...".

After picking AC up from school one day last week, I heard her mumble to herself, "Maybe I should tell Mom that..." She deliberates out loud to herself like her Daddy does. I inquired what it was she was talking about. What follows is the conversation that ensued.

AC: "Someone told Ben, I think it was his sister, that my smile looked evil. But, you know what, I don't care, because I like my smile and I think it looks beautiful."
Me: " I'm glad you didn't let that bother you. I agree with you, your smile is beautiful".
AC: " Yeah, and Ben said I had a pretty smile, too".
(I can tell she is thinking again, so I don't say anything.)
AC: "Mom, I think he is going to be the one".
Me: "The one for what?"
AC: " The first boy I kiss...you know, when I'm a grown-up".

I don't know what I liked most about this conversation, the fact that she didn't let someone's opinion bother her or the fact that she believes she will need to be a grown-up before she can kiss a boy.

And finally, "Matthew's Ode to Thinning Hair" (sang to the tune of "Islands in the Stream")

Islands in my head,
that is what I have
there they are
on my bald forehead.
As I cry into
my pillow at night
and they fall out
one after another, uh-huh.

Hotel Torrance

Apparently we are opening a hotel...in our home...for dogs. In addition to being a rock star, Anna Cate dreams of rescuing and providing for dogs. Ok, I say to myself, I'm just going to let this one ride it's course. She's young and she cannot actually go around town rounding up strays, right?

Or, so I thought. I pick her up from school yesterday and she tells me we have to wait for Corrin's mother. I'm thinking they have discussed a play date and now are expecting their loving mothers to finalize the details. She says it is much more important. Then, of course, I begin to worry. Did she slug him at recess or did he call her a name and she is now wanting me to exact her revenge? No, even better. Corrin and his mother have found three lost dogs! Isn't that wonderful? Now we can REALLY start our dog hotel! She insists that these dogs need loving homes and Abby will now have someone to play with whenever we are gone.

Luckily, Corrin slipped by us, totally unaware that Anna Cate was really prepared to go to his house and rescue those dogs. I haven't mentioned it again.

We have discussed all the reasons why we cannot board any
more pets. She sees the logic to my arguments, but refuses to accept the reality of this situation. Her strong-willed little self just will not give up on her dream. As we were driving today, she asked if the house around the corner had been abandoned. I think she is cooking up an expansion plan.

A Perfect Day

Some days everything just seems to come together. You know, the kind of day when you ride down the road singing at the top of your lungs to your favorite song. When you lean your head up and let the sun shine on your face and don't think once about the wrinkles this act is probably causing. When, dare I say it, you are filled with unabashed hope.

The thing that makes these days so incredible to me is that they are usually just ordinary days. Granted, I live in Arizona, so a typical day normally includes bright blue skies, a slight breeze and frangrant blooms of red, pink and yellow along every manicured street. But, for my family, an ordinary day can and is, often plagued by conflict. Sundays tend to be the worst day of the week for us. Matthew has to leave early to get coffee started for church and I am left with the task of getting AC and myself to church on time in cute, church-appropriate attire. This may be a good time to mention that Anna Cate's idea of cute consists of a purple Clemson t-shirt and bright red yoga-style capris. Point being, it was Sunday and I was prepared for a struggle


So, imagine my surprise when I pulled back the shower curtain and find Anna Cate standing there wearing a cute pink dress with matching jelly shoes, brushing through her wet hair. And from there, the day only got better. I was able to blow dry and curl Anna Cate's hair with no complaints and she walked into Sunday School...early. We spent time with friends and closed up the cafe as a family. We then preceded to have lunch together, chose a new umbrella for the pool patio table and flowers for the planters. Anna Cate and I worked together to plant the new flowers while Matthew clipped the palm tree fronds. We ended the day with Anna Cate swimming in the pool while Matthew and I chatted on the patio.

I know, absolutely nothing exciting happened today. Really no reason to sit down and blog about a typical Sunday in our little corner of the world. But, it was just one of those rare days that the overall feeling was one of peace and harmony. It made my heart happy and I want to remember it.