Getting Older

I've started this new Beth Moore study. I've been wanting to do one and when my friend, Tish, invited me to join her group, I immediately accepted. I knew it would be a bit uncomfortable because she is the only one in the group that I know and talking about private, personal issues is difficult for me outside of conversations with close friends. But, I understand that God often wants to get us out of our comfort zones in order to assist our growth and so, I decided it would be a walk of faith.

And, it is uncomfortable. But, not for the reasons I expected. I've become comfortable in my faith. I can talk about God's role in my life and how I have come to see His presence in my present life and throughout past years when I wasn't even acknowledging Him. The issue is that I am older than most of the group members and I'm not struggling with the same problems that they are. I'm over temper tantrums and potty training. I don't (and didn't even when AC was a baby) think wiper warmers are very important and I am passed the point of trying to regulate naps and feeding schedules.

Don't get me wrong, I am not belittling their concerns. The problem is that I am realizing that that time of my life is over. I am no longer the "mom of a young child". It is hitting me in the face that I am getting older and my child is getting older. My identity is once again changing. I'm  not really sure how I feel about the situation (not that I can control it one way or the other), it's just unsettling.

Then, on the other hand, it's not that I'm unhappy with where or who I am. Actually, I don't know that I have ever felt more "me". I don't want to go back to my twenties and I definitely don't want AC to back to the two's or three's. Maybe that is the unsettling part, while I want to be forever young, I'm seeing the positive side of aging. I'm in limbo somewhere between the young and the old.

I love my younger friends. I like hearing their stories about poop and messy houses. But, I find comfort in others who are getting older like me.  And, I find comfort in those even older because they remind me that I still have so very far to go.