Getting Older

I've started this new Beth Moore study. I've been wanting to do one and when my friend, Tish, invited me to join her group, I immediately accepted. I knew it would be a bit uncomfortable because she is the only one in the group that I know and talking about private, personal issues is difficult for me outside of conversations with close friends. But, I understand that God often wants to get us out of our comfort zones in order to assist our growth and so, I decided it would be a walk of faith.

And, it is uncomfortable. But, not for the reasons I expected. I've become comfortable in my faith. I can talk about God's role in my life and how I have come to see His presence in my present life and throughout past years when I wasn't even acknowledging Him. The issue is that I am older than most of the group members and I'm not struggling with the same problems that they are. I'm over temper tantrums and potty training. I don't (and didn't even when AC was a baby) think wiper warmers are very important and I am passed the point of trying to regulate naps and feeding schedules.

Don't get me wrong, I am not belittling their concerns. The problem is that I am realizing that that time of my life is over. I am no longer the "mom of a young child". It is hitting me in the face that I am getting older and my child is getting older. My identity is once again changing. I'm  not really sure how I feel about the situation (not that I can control it one way or the other), it's just unsettling.

Then, on the other hand, it's not that I'm unhappy with where or who I am. Actually, I don't know that I have ever felt more "me". I don't want to go back to my twenties and I definitely don't want AC to back to the two's or three's. Maybe that is the unsettling part, while I want to be forever young, I'm seeing the positive side of aging. I'm in limbo somewhere between the young and the old.

I love my younger friends. I like hearing their stories about poop and messy houses. But, I find comfort in others who are getting older like me.  And, I find comfort in those even older because they remind me that I still have so very far to go.

A Girl's World

AC has started her very own blog. If you would like to check it out you can find it at girlsworld-peacelovelife.blogspot.com

She would love to hear your comments!

What I Can Do

See this little guy? His name is Froggy and AC has had him since she was two years old. She quit requiring his presence at bedtime maybe two years ago, but called down to me last night around 10 PM to ask if I could find him. She really thought he would help her go to sleep. As I dug through toy boxes and storage containers that are kept in the garage, I asked myself why in the world I was going to this much trouble to find a stuffed animal. But in the same second that I asked myself this question, I knew the answer.

I can't control the fact that her teacher is at a conference and the class is in total chaos under the supervision of the substitute. I can't control that she is in tears when she gets in the car because all this added activity overwhelms her. I can't control that she sometimes faints and loses consciousness for no apparent reason. I can't control that a classmate coughs on her and passes her all those lovely strep throat germs. I can't control that her friend at school likes to brag when her team wins the relay or that she has to run slower than she is capable in Running Club because she has to stay with the group. On a day-to-day basis all the minor irritations and hurts are completely out of my control.

But, I can control whether or not she has her "Froggy" in bed with her at night. That is what I can do.

Valentine's Day...Some hate it, some love it and some grow to realize that everyday is a day worthy of showing the people you love how much you truly cherish them. I like to think I fall into the third category, but if I am truly honest with myself, I have to admit that a special surprise on this day really does make me feel loved. So, the little diamond filled white gold ring that Matthew surprised me with over the weekend really touched my heart and I smile every time I look down at it. He also surprised AC with her first Pandora bracelet. She kisses it before going to sleep at night. But, do not be concerned that he is not receiving his own special valentine because as I type a new top-of-the line triathlon bicycle is on its way to our home. 

But, Valentine's Day is not just about receiving, it is also about giving. This past week, AC and I have been working on the gifts she will bestow. Somehow, she managed to walk out the door without me taking a single photo of the 25 cute bags we made for her classmates, the 36 cranberry orange muffins we baked or even the photo frame she made for her teacher. But, for the record, the bags were stuffed with teddy grahams and tied with pink and red ribbon and little notes that read, "I can't 'bear' being without you", "To: A 'paw'-sitively  great friend" and "To: A 'Beary' Good Friend".

Lastly, I was able to squeeze in a few fun crafts to add around the house for the occasion. I'm only adding them because when AC saw the first one, she exclaimed, "Oh, Mom, that is sooo cute. I just love it!" and then commenced to sticking her finger in it to see what it was made of. (It's colored epsom salt.) And when Matthew saw the second one, he commented, "I see things like that and I just appreciate who you are. I mean I don't know anyone else who thinks to do that." Really, with comments like that, I don't need diamonds to feel special.

These are really just my adaptation of the wooden
blocks that are all over the blogosphere right now. ;)

A Matter of Perspective

"Mom! Guess what?! We voted to see who from our class would get to go to the Student Council meetings and I got TWO VOTES!"

Those were the first words that came out of Anna Cate's mouth when she entered the car last Friday after school. She then went on to tell me that every member of the class was nominated and each student could vote for one person. The students could not vote for themselves. Two girls received three votes so the class then held a run-off to see who would hold the honor of class representative.

After explaining the whole episode to me, she added, "I felt like I was going to cry." Okay, this seemed a little more like what I was expecting, or maybe I should say, what I would have felt like doing. But not wanting to assume I knew what she was feeling I asked her why she felt like crying. She answered, "Because two people really believed in me; TWO people really thought I was responsible enough to go to all the meetings for them; It really meant a lot to me."

Once again, my daughter taught me an entirely new perspective. It wasn't the winning that mattered, but that someone saw her strengths and trusted her. I'm going to have to remember this one.

 

I'm including this other picture to remember her goofy self. I wanted so badly to pull her hair out of her face and return the bow to it's place, but then I decided that there will plenty of time for her to worry about looking perfect - for now I'm glad she is comfortable being just AC.