Love and Respect

Recently, Matthew and I began a study based on the book, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I always love when we do these types of studies because it strengthens our relationship and helps us to see the world through one another's eyes. This study is based on Eph. 5:33 in which men are commanded to LOVE their wives and wives are commanded to RESPECT their husbands. The basic premise being that each has a different basic need. Matthew has concluded that we really don't need to continue in this study, and after having discussed it, these are the reasons why...

1. We don't argue over little things. He may never put his bowl in the dishwasher after eating cereal, and I may never remember to buy him razors at the grocery store, but in the long run, these things do not matter. Therefore, we choose not to let them upset us or ruin the good thing we have going here.

2. We look for the best in one another. Matthew can act bossy and thoughtless. Sometimes he doesn't notice what needs to be done when it is right under his nose. I can be controlling and emotionally needy and have been known to blow things way out of proportion. But, we are both intelligent, responsible, caring people who always put our family first. So, when we get angry and feel disrespected or unloved, we remember that our actions are not truly reflective of our feelings. When I get angry, I remind myself of just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man as my husband. And knowing how he sees me inspires me to be, well, a better version of me.

3. We talk. Honestly, this one is probably all for me, but I think it really is key to our relationship. I appreciate that Matthew trusts me and respects my opinion on all things, from motorcycles to conflicts at the office. I like when he sits and listens to me list my concerns about Anna Cate or our families. We discuss our thoughts on God, prayer, the recession and what type of tree we should plant next to the ficus. Sometimes we competely agree with one another and sometimes we are shocked by our differences, but we keep talking to better understand one another. Because we talk about the small things, we are able to talk about the big things and have learned that some of our best talks include apologies.

So, I hoped I haven't jinxed us. I know I still have so much to figure out about life. I may look at this in ten years and realize how much I didn't know about us. Which will be fine, I actually hope that we still have lots to learn about one another. At any rate, we're going to continue reading the book...just in case.